been trying hard not to get into trouble, but I've got a war in my mind
one time i had a crush on a boy and he knew but he didnt like me back so on april fools he asked me out as a joke and i said yes but then he said april fools so i punched him in the face
please do not tell me i was wrong for punching him. i had very deep feelings for him. he knew that i did and he took advantage of that to humiliate me. i had every right to knock his sorry fucking teeth out
Proper measures were taken and I encourage everyone to follow this example
This post is about male condoms. I will go into female condoms in a different post. For simplicity’s sake I will refer to male condoms as simply condoms in this post.
Condoms are wonderful little devices that allow you to be as promiscuous as you please with out succumbing to the wrath of sexually transmitted infections
Not that this by any means implies that those who use condoms are promiscuous. The truth is people who use condoms are intelligent.
Consistent and correct use of latex condoms is highly effective in preventing sexual transmission of HIV, the virus that causes AIDS.
Consistent and correct use of latex condoms nullifies the risk for many STIs that are transmitted by genital fluids (STIs such as chlamydia, gonorrhea, and trichomoniasis).
Consistent and correct use of latex condoms reduces the risk for genital ulcer diseases, such as genital herpes, syphilis, and chancroid, only when the infected area or site of potential exposure is protected.
Consistent and correct use of latex condoms may reduce the risk for genital human papillomavirus (HPV) infection and HPV-associated diseases (e.g., genital warts and cervical cancer).
CONDOMS ARE WONDERFUL
Whether you are in a committed relationship or happily single, condom usage can prevent you from acute treatable conditions like Syphilis and Gonorrhea to chronic diseases such as HPV, HIV, and Infertility.
The key of course, to using condoms and protecting yourself is using them CORRECTLY!
There are THREE (count’em 1 2 3) things you need to do BEFORE you even open a condom to make sure this sexy tango is going to be transmission free!
#1 Check the Date
As with everything else in the world (including your erection) condoms expire. You might be thinking ‘What about a condom could expire, they’re made from plastic” WRONG. First of all condoms are generally made from Latex; a natural rubber. Second, very bad things happen when condoms expire, most generally they tear, ie you get pregnant (yay extremely difficult life choices!), you get hepatitis (no more alcohol for you), you get HIV (goodbye disposable income; those drugs are expensive!) or one of many other STI’s
Granted, condoms take forever to expire, generally three years after purchase, but if you are desperate to get it in you may over look the fact that a particular condom has been in your sock drawer since your buddy gave it to you in the 7th grade.
#2 Check the Air Bubble
Even if the condom isn’t expired, the absence of an air bubble typically means the condom has been compromised in some fashion. The absence of an air bubble usually indicates a hole in the packaging which almost always means a tear/hole in the condom itself.
Bottom line; if the air bubble is gone, don’t put it on.
#3 Check What Type of Condom It Is
Most condoms you see in a store are latex condoms. This is just one of many substances that condoms can be made from, from polyurethane to animal skin. PLEASE make sure your partner isn’t allergic to latex if you choose to use a latex condom, nothing quite like an ambulance ride to the emergency room to kill the mood. Seriously, double check what it’s made of and if your partner is allergic to the material.
Opening the Condom
Easily the most overlooked step in condom use. Before you open the condom package push the condom to one side an use the perforation along the top to tear a thin slip of the packaging off in order to slide the condom out of the package.
UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU EVER TEAR OPEN THE PACKAGE WITH YOUR TEETH
Teeth are made for TEARING! and you wanna know what they’re gonna tear if you open your condom package with them? Thats right, the condom.
Don’t do it, I don’t care how sexy it is.
Putting the Condom On
This is an extremely crucial point in the use of your condom, improper application is the number one reason for condom failure (breakage and tearing).
Before placing the condom on the erect penis, pinch the semen reservoir (the tip) of the condom. This ensures that the condom has a place for the semen to go after ejaculation commences.
After pinching the semen reservoir place the head of the penis within condom and gently role the condom down over the shaft of the penis.
Taking the Condom Off
after you have satisfied your partner and achieved orgasm your penis will begin to go flaccid; that it is gonna shrink. Once the penis is small enough to easily remove the condom, the partner that was being penetrated should remove the condom. i.e, the woman or the “Bottom” (I hate that term).
The whole purpose of condom usage is to keep the individuals from being in contact with each others sexual fluids, thus having the penetrating partner (the one wearing the condom) take off the condom would put them in contact with the very fluids they are attempting to protect themselves from.
After the partner that was penetrated removes the condom, be polite and tie it of (to keep the semen from leaking out of it) and place it in a garbage.
No one likes people with used condoms lying around.
Here is a condom demonstration on a lovely green dildo video:
And a condom demonstration video on an actual penis [NSFW]:
Both of the video’s miss a few steps, but they give a good idea of how to physically put the condom and show correct usage of it.
Be safe and have fun!
when my dad was in college he had a friend who told a girl he’d take her on a date unlike any other she’d ever been on and so he took her to the supermarket to watch the lobsters fighting in the lobster tank
they’re married now